So you may remember Nate Silver of FiveThirtyEight fame, who used polling data and statistical modeling to predict the 2012 election with startling accuracy. Those with knowledge of data science probably weren’t too surprised with the accuracy of predictions but that’s not what I’m here to talk about.
I like 538. Or at least, I want to. I’m a believer in sabermetrics (and advanced statistics beyond those found in the box score) and data science in general, as it’s possible to glean insight and compose stories from large datasets. Life makes more sense to me in chart form.
But there’s some things you can’t quantify. One of those is the best burrito in the country determined via a Burrito Bracket. It’s absolutely preposterous. Mr. Silver has the gumption to coin “VORB” – value over replacement burrito. Give me a break dude. I want to give you the benefit of the doubt and believe that you have some self-awareness and this is just a goofy wink towards stupid long acronyms that run rampant in the sabermetric world. But that’s not the case. You can read the methodology here. Hat’s off to him for sound reasoning and transparency. What he doesn’t account for in his crowd-sourced data is that most people are fucking idiots and I hate most of them. And none of them would know a good burrito if it entered through their bunghole. But this is all completely unnecessary. I already had the best burrito in the country.
I know a good burrito. I am right and you are wrong. Sure, this is where I realize I’m being hypocritical (like the GOP), ignoring science (like the GOP), and all around an asshole (like the GOP). Here’s a live look at govinbhai:
Here’s where things come to a head. 538’s burrito correspondent lists Frontier Restaurant as the top seeded burrito in the west region. Let’s parse this out.
There’s someone who’s real, actual title is burrito correspondent. What a useless fucking existence this person lives.*
(*Unless I get a job as a burrito correspondent. Then it’s arguably the most important duty that can be bestowed on a person.)
Despite a lower VORB than other burritos, Frontier Restaurant was still ranked #1 by the voters. This whole bracket has a BCS-esque vibe to it, in that there’s unnecessarily complicated statistics that end up meaning dink because of some voters and arbitrary intangibles. Though this lends some credence to the next point:
You know who decided almost 8 months ago that Frontier Restaurant’s burritos were a 10/10 and essentially perfect, tantamount to boner jams and panty slushies? None other than govinbhai. I didn’t blog it until February, but I knew mid-October when I was eating there that it was some legendary shit.
Afterwards I definitely took a legendary shit
There’s a time and place for statistics, data analysis, and being palpably smug. Burritos are not that time nor place. Burrito is a lifestyle. I’m team burrito ’til I die.Some things you just don’t fuck with and burritos are exactly that.
So sorry, FiveThirtyEight. I beat you to the punch. I am a burrito expert and I already had the best burrito in the country. Call off the bracket and give me your lunch money so I can quit my job and eat burritos. Nerds.
govinbhai 